My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
