3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
