how can u be prego again
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
