so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
