I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
