i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
wow bdsm is so cute
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
