foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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