it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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