i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
