so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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