Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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