yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
