Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
