Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
