What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
