I showed him my bush... on skype.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
