so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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