he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
