You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
