I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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