So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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