Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
