he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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