just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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