I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
