Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
