The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
