I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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