you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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