Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
