babies were throwing up all over the place
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
