Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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