I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
