Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
