At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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