if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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