the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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