I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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