if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
