Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Randomize
