It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
