I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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