Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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