i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
