Quick, to the slutcave!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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