im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
last night I used snow as a chaser
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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