i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
