remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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