Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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