what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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