We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
