i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I need water and some morals
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
