I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
