I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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