now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
