you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
