I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
