It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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