So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
